Being a behavior nerd, I’d be lying if I said I never watched an episode of the Dr. Phil show. I found people’s behavior, and his analysis of it, fascinating at times. Although the show was largely too over the top for my taste, there was one major thing that I took away from his show that will stick with me for the rest of my life. He would always tell people, “you teach people how to treat you.” The way that others treat you is reflection of what you permit to occur.
As an example, my name is Nicole. I have never gone by Nick, Nikki, or any other variation of my name. I am Nicole. It has been a hard and fast rule of my existence: I will not respond to, or acknowledge, any other name. Consequently, people don’t call me by any other name. It was simple really. At some point I chose what was acceptable, and what wasn’t. And by sticking to it, I’ve never had any issues getting people to comply with my rules regarding my name. Had I been less consistent, I would have gotten far less consistent results. Some people, that I didn’t correct, would be calling me by nicknames and then other people, in hearing me be called by that name, would start to do that as well.
When it comes to training your dog, the idea is the same. You must decide what “rules” you will have that cannot, and will not, be broken without consequence. Then LIVE BY THEM. You won’t find success if the only time you train your dog is during set periods of the day where you prepared your treat pouch and set aside time. Success will come when you have decided to live by the rules 24/7. When you do that, the dog (or coworker, boss, colleague, neighbor, friend, spouse, stranger) will adapt to you.
However, this does not mean you need excessive punishment! I don’t scream at someone when they call me by the wrong name! My lack of a response to any other name will quickly get my point across to those attempting to use nicknames to gain my attention. Occasionally if I catch someone calling me by a nickname, I will gently correct them that my name is “Nicole.” I never need to lash out at a person to get them to comply. You don’t have to use punishment to establish your rules. You just have to be committed.
When I worked in dog daycare, there was one place I worked where the dogs had access to couches and armchairs during the day. They were permitted on the furniture as they wished. While working there, I adopted a policy that was very simple: If I am sitting in the armchair, no dogs may join me. Period. Any dog that attempted to hop up, was gently told no, or body blocked before they could make the attempt. The chair, if I was occupying it, was off limits. And before long every dog respected my rule. Even new dogs, as they arrived, would pick up on this rule rather quickly because there was never any gray area. I never made an exception to this rule for any dog, no matter what. As a result, I was able to comfortably eat my lunch each day at work completely uninterrupted while in the presence of 5-20 dogs. No dog tried to hop up and share my sandwich with me. They would just use that time to relax near my feet until I was done and it was time to play again. Meanwhile, coworkers of mine would struggle to consume even a small snack in the presence of the same group of dogs! There would be dogs jumping up on the armrests, trying to snag a bite or laying on the back of the chair drooling down their necks! It was chaos! The difference was that my coworkers hadn’t established rules about their personal space and so they couldn’t hope to get the same results.
When it comes to dogs jumping on me, I have a zero-tolerance policy. After working with dogs for almost 15 years, I have been jumped on quite enough, thank you! If a dog jumps on me, they get NOTHING! No treats, no attention, and no reassurement*. After enough repetitions, the dogs will start to learn not to jump on me because they don’t get anything out of it.
The same is true of pulling on leash. If starting today you set your rule to be a zero-tolerance policy for pulling, your dog will have a much easier time of learning what is, and what is not, acceptable.
**
Your rules and my rules don’t have to be the same. As a dog trainer my goal is not to make your dog perfect. My goals are always to make your dog perfect for you. If you tell me you love when your dog jumps on you, I’ll make some recommendations. I might tell you to put that jumping ritual on a cue (like “mommy’s home!) so that your dog learns to only jump when released to do so (to prevent them from learning to jump on everyone who comes through the door) but at the end of the day, your rules are your choice!
I simply want you to remember that you, and you alone, teach others how to treat you. Choose what is most important to you and create rock solid rules around those things. Once you have them, LIVE THEM. Every interaction is an opportunity for training and if you aren’t prepared with your rules, you will miss opportunities to correct an error or reinforce a better choice. The old golden rule says that you should treat others the way you want to be treated. My rule is that you should establish how you want to be treated, and you will be treated accordingly!
Happy Training!
Nicole L Yuhas CPDT-KA
*While some dogs do jump up because they are nervous and want you to help them feel better, I would rather a nervous dog to learn to ask for reassurance by some other means. This is not a feeling shared by all trainers, but it is my personal opinion that if we want our dogs not to learn to jump on people, there are other ways to seek help from their owners or trusted people. If my dog is nervous, I would rather he come sit by me, lean into my legs, or seek out eye contact. Those are behaviors are better suited to a life with humans and I will hold up my end of the bargain. When my dog offers those, I WILL respond with reassuring behavior of my own (petting, removal from the stressful situation, calming praise, etc). I equate this to a frightened child running up and taking my hand or hugging my leg (acceptable behavior for seeking reassurance) versus a frightened child leaping into my arms or on my back without warning (unacceptable).
**Meme quote originator unknown
This blog is intended to be informative as well as entertaining. It contains my opinion which may not reflect the opinions of any organization I may be affiliated with. My opinions should not be interpreted as those of my coworkers, family, friends, casual acquaintances, and certainly not the opinion of my cat, although my dog probably agrees with everything I say, if for no other reason, than because I provide the treats and meals (cats are less inclined to agree with anyone but themselves). Information provided here is accurate and true to the best of my knowledge but, as information and opinions change, neither the facts nor the opinions expressed here may be true or accurate at any future date. As I don’t currently own a time machine, I cannot be responsible for things that prove to be untrue, or opinions I change my mind about, should those changes become apparent in the future. It should also be noted that, as I am human, there may be omissions, errors or mistakes in the information provided here. Frankly, even if I were a computer, it is likely there would be errors, as computers, in my experience, can be a royal pain in the butt. This blog may contain affiliate links which you are under no obligation to click. If you click them, they will hopefully take you the place I intended. But they may not. As I’ve said, computers can be a pain. If you find yourself somewhere you don’t think I intended, click your ruby slippers three times together and say, “there is no place like home.” If you do that, and click the “back” button, you should be safely returned. Computers can, at times, have a mind of their own. Any training suggestions or opinions expressed here should be taken as information only and should not be seen as advice particular to you or your dog’s unique situation. Please consult with a training professional before taking any action.