You’ve probably heard me say it before, but being your dog’s advocate is one of the most important things you can do as your dog’s owner. You should be the first one to say, “my dog has had enough” or “It’s time for us to go” when you can see the first signs of your dog being overwhelmed. Heck, it’s always ok to abort mission BEFORE you see the first signs of your dog being overwhelmed.
When I am out with my dog, being my dog’s advocate is my number one priority. That means it trumps everything else. Everything. Let me tell you a story.
A couple of months ago I stopped going to the gas station I had been going to, consistently, for at least the past 3 years. The gas station is the most convenient to me – walking distance from my house – and I pass it going pretty much anywhere I go. The problem was that it got bought out by some new people. Lovely people in fact. They were always courteous and liked to chat with you while you got your gas (some people love that, some people hate that… I fall somewhere in between). Bottom line, I had nothing against them. They were excited, it seemed, to be the new owners of the business and I wished them all the best.
The trouble for me started when I stopped to get gas on my way to work one day. My dog, Renegade, was crated in my car just behind the front seats. At this point it was just starting to be spring – the weather was getting warmer but not so warm yet that I had all my windows down. On this particular day, I only had the front windows open halfway and when I pulled into the gas station, I rolled my driver’s side window all the way down. The man at the gas station went through the usual routine of setting up the pump but once the tank was filling, he came back to my driver’s side window and began fussing over Renegade. Mind you, he couldn’t reach Renegade and the windows nearest the crate were closed. This man, however, got about as close to my window as possible and was talking and fussing over the dog just behind my head. Now, had I not met this man several times, this would have been incredibly creepy.** A strange man practically leaning into my car. As a woman all alone, believe me, this would have definitely been uncomfortable.
And it WAS uncomfortable, but for a totally different reason. This man certainly had no idea he was being rude and intrusive. I guarantee he was under the impression he was being friendly, social and complimentary but I didn’t see it that way and neither did Renegade. My dog knew he was safe from this man, but he nonetheless stayed towards the far side of his crate and avoided eye contact with the man. Once my tank was full, we got out of there as fast as we could. I immediately made a mental note to never come to the gas station with my back windows rolled down.
The next time I went to that gas station, about two weeks later, I was alone. The crate was in my car but Renegade was at home. The same man was there and pumping gas. As if our previous interaction wasn’t awkward enough, when he approached my car he immediately started up, “Oh man! Where’s my buddy? Where’s my little buddy?” I was totally shocked by his over-the-top reaction and I am not lying when I say the first words out of my mouth were, “You literally saw him once.” Oops. Not the nicest thing to say but my reaction was an honest one. This guy, again, wasn’t trying to be weird, but he was coming off way too desperate and… again… it felt intrusive somehow. I was so glad Renegade wasn’t with me. For the next several minutes this man asked me about a million questions about my dog, even after the transaction was complete, until I finally just started pulling out of the lot to try to end our conversation. YIKES.
As I drove away all I could think about is what would have happened if I had brought Renegade with me that day. What if the windows had been rolled down? Would this man have been reaching into my car to pet the dog? Almost certainly the answer to that is yes. What damage would that have done to my dog if he was feeling trapped and helpless as this overzealous man was reaching in towards my dog? What would this have done to my dog in terms of his relationship with the car? Or with his crate? Or with me, his owner who didn’t save him?
I’ve never gone back to that gas station again.
No matter how convenient, no matter how friendly, I wasn’t going to subject either one of us to that person again. And let me just say it one more time. This man DID NOT KNOW he was being over the top. I believe in my bones that he is just a friendly guy who doesn’t have the ability to read normal social cues. I don’t hold it against him. I certainly don’t want that man to lose his job. I just wouldn’t be acting in my dog’s best interest if we went back there.
So that’s the thing. Being your dog’s advocate isn’t always easy. In this example, I lost the most convenient gas station to my home. Certainly not life or death but a definite inconvenience for, presumably, years to come.
Whenever your dog is with you, you have the power to set your dog up for failure or for success. If you repeatedly break trust by not stepping in as your dog’s advocate, you are setting them up for failure. Letting people touch your dog when your dog doesn’t want to be pet, letting kids tug on your dog or use your dog as a prop in their play, or taking your dog to places they are uncomfortable are all breaking your relationship down. What lessons will your dog take away from those experiences? Perhaps they will learn to dislike strangers. Or kids. Or trips in the car. Or walks. Certainly, if the choice is “avoid letting strangers pet your dog” or “own a dog who barks and growls whenever they see people” you would prefer to pick the former. We don’t always know what the exact consequences are, but why take that gamble at all? It’s always ok to abort mission! It doesn’t matter if the mission is going to get gas in the car, walking a particular route you usually walk, or any other thing that you might be doing. If circumstances change, or you fear having to subject your dog to something unpleasant ahead, ABORT! Try to see the world through your dog’s eyes and be their advocate. Believe me, they will thank you for it.
Happy Training!
Nicole L Yuhas CPDT-KA
** I want to be clear – the man at the gas station in this story has a mental handicap and could not read basic social cues. Having met him prior to this incident, I was not afraid of my safety, but in a sticky situation as to how to handle his excuberance as he clearly meant no ill will.
This blog is intended to be informative as well as entertaining. It contains my opinion which may not reflect the opinions of any organization I may be affiliated with. My opinions should not be interpreted as those of my coworkers, family, friends, casual acquaintances, and certainly not the opinion of my cat, although my dog probably agrees with everything I say, if for no other reason, than because I provide the treats and meals (cats are less inclined to agree with anyone but themselves). Information provided here is accurate and true to the best of my knowledge but, as information and opinions change, neither the facts nor the opinions expressed here may be true or accurate at any future date. As I don’t currently own a time machine, I cannot be responsible for things that prove to be untrue, or opinions I change my mind about, should those changes become apparent in the future. It should also be noted that, as I am human, there may be omissions, errors or mistakes in the information provided here. Frankly, even if I were a computer, it is likely there would be errors, as computers, in my experience, can be a royal pain in the butt. This blog may contain affiliate links which you are under no obligation to click. If you click them, they will hopefully take you the place I intended. But they may not. As I’ve said, computers can be a pain. If you find yourself somewhere you don’t think I intended, click your ruby slippers three times together and say, “there is no place like home.” If you do that, and click the “back” button, you should be safely returned. Computers can, at times, have a mind of their own. Any training suggestions or opinions expressed here should be taken as information only and should not be seen as advice particular to you or your dog’s unique situation. Please consult with a training professional before taking any action.