As I was planning my wedding, I started thinking about how people try to incorporate their dogs into important events. It is not uncommon now to hear of a doggy groomsmen or ringbearer at a wedding. It is also becoming common to see the dog posed with the kids for birthday photos or holiday greeting cards.
Our pets are our family and it is understandable that we would want them to share in our happiest moments. The trouble is when we don’t take our pet’s feelings into consideration. I cannot tell you how many photos I’ve seen on the Facebook pages of friends and family that make me shudder. Meanwhile, the comments being posted below the photo praise the parent for having “such a cute kid” and “aww they look so cute together.” Quite frankly, it scares me.
I worry that too many people aren’t seeing what I see: The ears pulled back, the whites of the eyes, the undeniable tension in the body posture. I see a dog who wants none of it, a dog that if continually put in these situations, could one day bite the child and the adults behind the camera would swear it happened “out of nowhere.”
The thing that boggles me from a scientific perspective is that, I bet, if you saw a lion acting the same way, the hairs on your neck would stand up. I think that deep into your core, you would know you needed to get out of that situation and fight or flight would engage instinctually. Yet, somehow, with our own pets, most people miss the warning signs. I wonder why that is. Perhaps it is because our pets are with us all the time and often so good and so tolerant that we figure that if they didn’t bite the last time, they won’t bite this time either. Unfortunately, that isn’t always the case.
The question then becomes: How can we include the pets in our most important moments and still ensure that everyone is having a good time? After careful consideration, I’ve come up with the following suggestions.
1) Set your pet up for success: If you want to make sure your pet is feeling good the day of the event/photo session you need to minimize stress leading up to that day. This is often the hardest part! When we are stressed, our pets feel it. When you are preparing for a holiday or big event, take time for BOTH of you! Find a few minutes here and there to go outside and throw the ball or take a long walk together. It will help keep both of you feeling better and help lower any tension you are feeling. The extra exercise for your dog will help them cope with whatever preparations are going on inside your home as well. A nice walk will make you feel better too!
2) Avoid Trigger Stacking: Trigger stacking is when a series of minor events or circumstances, which are not particularly stressful on their own, are clumped together in a period of time which causes them to turn into BIG stressors. You have experienced this before. Imagine: You got stuck in traffic picking up the kids from school. You get grease on your favorite shirt while making dinner. Your kids spill their milk all over the dinner table. You stub your toe on the way to get the paper towels. And while you were dealing with that, you completely forgot the cookies in the oven and now they are ruined. Then, hubby walks in and your scream at him for forgetting to take his muddy shoes off at the door! If each of these things had happened independently of the others, you would have shaken them off easily. But, clumped all together, the situation suddenly became unbearable and your poor husband just took the brunt of your wrath (which, unless his shoes were bathed in mud, he probably didn’t deserve). The same thing happens with our pets. If small stressors build up, your dog is going to be a lot less capable of handling things they normally would tolerate. You don’t want your child running over to them to be the “final straw” on a stressful day.
3) Don’t ask for too much: Asking your pet to tolerate your child draping themselves over them for a photo is MUCH too much. Even if you dog loves your child, nobody wants to be a plaything or a photo prop. Instead, ask your dog to sit or lie down just behind your child or off to the side, being careful to instruct your child not to lean on, grab, or hug the dog. Reward your dog for good behavior, and if the photo session runs more than a minute or two, be sure to give them breaks! Play a little tug or run around for a few seconds between poses to let your pet blow off some steam. If you see your pet is getting stressed or uncomfortable, STOP. No photo is worth someone getting hurt or your dog losing faith that you will always have their back. Be your pet’s advocate and know when enough is enough.
4) Know your pet’s preferences: Not every dog is comfortable in a crowd of people. Sometimes we selfishly want our pets to be a part of the event but they would really rather be away from all the people and the noise. Know what your pet’s limits are. My own dog loves a party. He loves the attention and he likes all the activity but there always comes a point where I can tell he needs a break. When I see he’s starting to spend more time away from everyone, I always invite him to take a break upstairs in his crate for some alone time and a nap. Getting him away from the party for a while helps him settle down for a bit. Then when I go get him an hour or two later, he’s ready to be a social butterfly again. Some dogs might prefer to spend the whole party in another room away from the noise and others may self-regulate themselves and go off to find a quiet room in the house on their own. Know your pet and make sure they have a quiet place they can escape to or help them get there if they need it. Not every dog will know their own limits. As a pet parent, you need to keep an eye on them in the same way you would a child.
Including your pet in your big important life moments can be a wonderful thing. You just want to make sure you are keeping them in mind and not acting strictly out of selfish desires. Sometimes you will need to make sacrifices.
For my wedding, much to the disappointment of my family, I insisted that the night before the big day
, I would be staying in a pet friendly hotel with my dog – a hotel where no other wedding guest or family member would be staying. The reason was that I wanted to make sure my dog would have the least stressful start to the wedding day possible. If I am going to ask him to be a part of a large event, ask him to walk down the aisle in front of a bunch of people with a handler other than me, tolerate the sound of a microphone outdoors (have you ever heard wind getting picked up on a microphone!?), I need to make sure he had as normal a day before as I can possibly create, given the circumstances. I need to prevent trigger stacking as much as possible. I can honestly say more preparation went into how to make sure my dog would be cared for on the weekend of the wedding than into what dress I was going to wear! In the end, Renegade was the star of the show and so it was all worth it to make sure my husband and I had the best day ever and that Renegade always felt secure that his people are always looking out for him. If not for all of the planning, there was no way he would have been such a willing participant in the events and the endless photos that took place after the ceremony that day.
No matter what event you are planning, be it big or small, keep your pets in mind so that everyone can enjoy the festivities in the way they prefer.
Happy Training!
Nicole (Lorenzetti) Yuhas CPDT-KA
This blog is intended to be informative as well as entertaining. It contains my opinion which may not reflect the opinions of any organization I may be affiliated with. My opinions should not be interpreted as those of my coworkers, family, friends, casual acquaintances, and certainly not the opinion of my cat, although my dog probably agrees with everything I say, if for no other reason, than because I provide the treats and meals (cats are less inclined to agree with anyone but themselves). Information provided here is accurate and true to the best of my knowledge but, as information and opinions change, neither the facts nor the opinions expressed here may be true or accurate at any future date. As I don’t currently own a time machine, I cannot be responsible for things that prove to be untrue, or opinions I change my mind about, should those changes become apparent in the future. It should also be noted that, as I am human, there may be omissions, errors or mistakes in the information provided here. Frankly, even if I were a computer, it is likely there would be errors, as computers, in my experience, can be a royal pain in the butt. This blog may contain affiliate links which you are under no obligation to click. If you click them, they will hopefully take you the place I intended. But they may not. As I’ve said, computers can be a pain. If you find yourself somewhere you don’t think I intended, click your ruby slippers three times together and say, “there is no place like home.” If you do that, and click the “back” button, you should be safely returned. Computers can, at times, have a mind of their own. Any training suggestions or opinions expressed here should be taken as information only and should not be seen as advice particular to you or your dog’s unique situation. Please consult with a training professional before taking any action.